HOW CAN I COME TO TERMS WITH MY EX HOOKING UP SINCE OUR BREAKUP?
THIS WEEK'S NEWSLETTER DIVES DEEP INTO THE COMPLEX EMOTIONS THAT ARISE WHEN YOUR EX SEEMS TO BE MOVING ON. HOW CAN YOU HANDLE THE SHOCKING NEWS OF THEM BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE OR EVEN MULTIPLE PEOPLE? WHAT DOES IT MEAN FOR YOUR SHARED MEMORIES, AND IS IT REALLY A PERSONAL ATTACK? THIS NEWSLETTER GUIDES YOU THROUGH UNDERSTANDING THAT THIS NEW CHAPTER IN THEIR LIFE IS SEPARATE FROM WHAT YOU ONCE SHARED, AND OFFERS SIX PRO TIPS TO HELP YOU HANDLE THE STING OF REALISATION. CAN YOU TRULY DETACH AND HEAL WITHOUT FORGETTING OR TRIVIALISING WHAT YOU HAD? HOW CAN YOU AVOID LETTING PRIDE, EGO, OR JEALOUSY CLOUD YOUR VISION? THIS NEWSLETTER UNCOVERS THESE AND MORE, PROVIDING VALUABLE INSIGHTS AND PERSPECTIVES. ARE YOU PREPARED TO REDEFINE YOUR SELF-WORTH AND EMBRACE A FUTURE WITHOUT THEM? FIND OUT HOW.
Imagine scrolling through Instagram, and then – BAM! A picture of your ex pops up, arm draped around a total stranger. And it hits you; they’re moving on. How could they? The pit in your stomach deepens when your bestie sends a text, "Did you hear? They've been with five different people since you two split." The words feel like a punch, leaving you feeling betrayed, shocked, and heartbroken, a whirlwind of emotions threatening to consume you.
THE RAW, UNFILTERED TRUTH:
Your ex sleeping with other people might feel like a personal attack. Like they're trampling over the sacred memories you both shared. But here's a newsflash: They haven't done anything wrong.
It might not be about moving on. It might be a distraction, escapism, or just for the fun of it. And guess what? That's okay. We can't tie our past loves down with our expectations and judgments.
But let's peel back another layer here: Sometimes, the way our ex behaves after a breakup is a reflection of their own struggles, confusions, or insecurities. It may have nothing to do with you or your shared past. Your value and the value of your past relationship isn't determined by their present actions. Instead of casting judgment or letting it eat you up, recognise that this new chapter in their life is entirely separate from what you once had together.
Speaking of not casting judgment, here's a bitter pill you might need to swallow: You can't slut-shame or label your ex as a "fuck boy" just because they've chosen a different path. Your ex's relationships and choices after you are their journey to walk, not yours to comment on. Whether they seek solace, joy, or a momentary escape in new relationships, that's their prerogative. Instead of throwing shade, focus on your own comeback story. What are you doing for your growth, your happiness, your future? That's where your energy belongs.
SIX TIPS TO HANDLE THE STING LIKE A PRO:
RIDE THAT EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER: Anger, sadness, confusion. Let those feelings surge, but remember – you're in the driver's seat.
BREAK UP WITH THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA: Unfollow, unfriend, or block if you must. Your mental well-being doesn't need the daily torment.
LEAN ON YOUR TRIBE: Friends, family, or even your pets. Talk to someone who cares.
WORK ON YOU, FOR YOU: Start that art class, hit the gym, or indulge in some Netflix binging. Focus on self-love and self-growth.
REMEMBER, IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU: Repeat after me: What they do post-breakup is not about me.
FIND A FRESH PERSPECTIVE: Sometimes, the way we look at a situation can keep us trapped in pain. Flip the script, find a new angle, and see your ex's actions as a part of their journey, not a judgment of yours.
Now, let's dive even deeper. Are you stuck on this heart-wrenching merry-go-round, unable to let go of the past? Maybe it's time to turn that magnifying glass inward. What's really keeping you anchored to a relationship that's run its course? Is it fear? Longing for comfort? A need for validation? Finding those answers is the first step toward healing.
Detaching isn't about cutting cords cold turkey – it's about rewiring your brain, redefining your self-worth, and embracing a future without them. Gradually, you'll notice the weight lifting, and your heart starting to mend.
Pride, ego, jealousy – they're like quicksand on the path to recovery. They pull you down, keep you stuck, and cloud your vision. But if you genuinely love them, you'll want what's best for them, even if that doesn't include you. It's a painful, humbling experience but one that can lead you to profound self-reflection and growth.
You've probably heard the saying, "The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else." Some research does suggest that engaging in a new relationship might help some people move on. But here's the catch: You've got to honour the phase you’re in. Whether you need time to reflect, heal, or just be with yourself, that's okay. Your heart will let you know when it's time to open up again, and when that time comes, you'll be stepping into it with a wiser, stronger you.
Remember, healing doesn't mean forgetting or trivialising what you had. It means acknowledging, accepting, and giving yourself the freedom to move forward.
Until next week!
Nicole is a certified trauma-informed dating and relationship coach who specialises in helping people navigate the complex world of modern love and dating as well as attract and cultivate healthy relationships. Her areas of focus include mindset, attachment, trauma, relationship patterning, inner child and abandonment wounds, communication, conflict management, trust issues, confidence, co-dependency, boundary work, breakups, and infidelity.
