FIVE TIPS TO OVERCOME FEELING LIKE A FAILURE AFTER A BREAKUP
THIS WEEK, A CLIENT TOLD ME SHE FELT LIKE A FAILURE BECAUSE HER MOST RECENT RELATIONSHIP OF THREE YEARS ENDED. SHE ASKED ME HOW ELSE SHE WAS MEANT TO FEEL WHEN ALL OF HER RELATIONSHIPS IN THE PAST HAVEN’T WORKED OUT THE WAY SHE WANTED THEM TO.
TO SET THE CONTEXT, THIS CLIENT HAS HAD A NUMBER OF LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS, MANY OF WHICH WERE QUITE CHAOTIC AND TOXIC. SHE LONGS TO FIND HER FOREVER PERSON AND CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY SHE CONTINUOUSLY FINDS HERSELF IN RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS THAT END IN HEARTBREAK.
THROUGH OUR WORK TOGETHER, SHE CAME TO REALISE THAT ALTHOUGH EACH OF HER PARTNERS IS IN MANY WAYS DIFFERENT THERE ARE SOME KEY PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR THAT THEY ALL SHARE IN COMMON. KNOWING THIS, TOGETHER WE WERE ABLE TO EXPLORE WHY HER RELATIONSHIPS MAY NOT BE WORKING OUT THE WAY SHE WOULD LIKE AND WHAT SHE CAN DO ABOUT IT MOVING FORWARD.
Ending a relationship can be a tough and highly emotional experience. It’s important to remember that just because a relationship came to an end doesn’t mean it’s a failure. Most of our relationships are actually not meant to last forever. This, however, doesn’t mean that the love wasn’t real or that the relationship wasn’t right at the time.
As the saying goes “people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime”. It is only by taking a risk on love that we’re able to identify what is true for us in the moment.
Irrespective of how long or short it lasts, each one of our relationships serves to teach us something about ourselves. Often our relationships act as a mirror, revealing the parts of ourselves that require growth or healing.
There is no shame in walking away from a relationship that is no longer right for you. Rather than viewing it as a failure, try to apply the following tips to help you overcome the feeling of failure and move forward:
Reframe your thoughts: Instead of focusing on the fact that the relationship ended, try to focus on what you learned from the experience about yourself and the type of love you would like to call into your life in the future. Think about the positive aspects of the relationship and be proud of yourself for opening up your heart to someone.
Seek support: Surround yourself with friends and family who love and support you. Talk to them about your feelings and allow them to help you work through your emotions.
Take care of yourself: Engage in activities that bring you joy, such as exercise, reading, or cooking. Focus on your personal growth and take time to heal from the relationship.
Allow yourself to grieve: Grief is a normal and healthy part of moving on from a relationship. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and give yourself time to heal.
Focus on the future: Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on what you want your future to look like. Set new goals and work towards creating a life that makes you happy.
Remember, ending a relationship is not a failure. It’s a sign that you have the strength and courage to move on from a situation that wasn’t working for you. Focus on the positives, and trust that the future holds something even better for you.
It’s also important to keep in mind that in our lives, we all have certain patterns that we seek out and repeat in our relationships. These patterns can be both positive and negative, and they can greatly impact the way we interact with others and the outcomes we experience. Understanding our relationship patterns can help us make better decisions, communicate more effectively, and ultimately lead to more fulfilling relationships.
Here are some steps we can take to learn from our relationship patterns:
Identify your patterns: Take a step back and reflect on your past relationships. What patterns do you notice? Do you find yourself always being drawn to the same type of person? Do you tend to attract toxic partners? Once you identify these patterns, you can begin to understand why they occur and what changes you need to make.
Explore the root cause: Our patterns often stem from past experiences and the beliefs we have about ourselves and others. Take some time to dig deeper and understand why these patterns exist. Are you seeking security in relationships? Are you afraid of being alone? Are you trying to prove something to others or yourself? Once you understand the root cause, you can start working on changing it.
Make changes: Once you clearly understand your patterns and the root cause, it’s time to make changes. This might involve breaking out of old habits, learning new communication skills, or finding healthier ways to meet your needs.
Practice self-care: As you work on changing your patterns, it’s important to take care of yourself. This includes taking breaks from relationships when necessary, seeking support from friends, family, or professionals, and engaging in activities that bring you joy.
Learning from our relationship patterns is essential for personal growth and for having more fulfilling relationships. By identifying our patterns, exploring the root cause, seeking help, making changes, and practicing self-care, we can make positive changes and improve the quality of our relationships.
The answer to next week’s question will be hitting your inbox on the same day at the same time so keep an eye out for it and share it with the people in your life that you think will benefit the most from reading it!
NC x
Nicole is a certified dating and relationship coach who specialises in helping people navigate the complex world of modern love and dating as well as attract and cultivate healthy relationships. Her areas of focus include mindset, attachment, trauma, relationship patterning, inner child and abandonment wounds, communication, conflict management, trust issues, confidence, co-dependency, boundary work, breakups, and infidelity.
