HOW OUR ATTACHMENT STYLES IMPACT THE BELIEFS WE HAVE
THIS WEEK'S NEWSLETTER DELVES INTO THE FASCINATING REALM OF ATTACHMENT STYLES AND THEIR PROFOUND INFLUENCE ON OUR CORE BELIEFS. EVER WONDERED WHY YOU THINK THE WAY YOU DO IN RELATIONSHIPS? READ ON.
Our attachment styles play a significant role in shaping our beliefs about love, relationships, and ourselves. These beliefs often stem from our early experiences and can profoundly influence our adult connections.
COMMON BELIEFS FOR SOMEONE WITH A SECURE ATTACHMENT:
- I am deserving of love and can trust that my partner cares for me.
- I can express my needs and boundaries in a relationship without fear.
- I believe in open and honest communication to resolve conflicts.
- I am comfortable with both intimacy and independence in a relationship.
- I am confident in my ability to form healthy and lasting connections.
COMMON BELIEFS FOR SOMEONE WITH AN ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT:
- I’m not worthy of love or attention, so I need to constantly seek validation.
- If I don't make my partner my top priority, they will lose interest in me.
- I’m always afraid that my partner will abandon me or find someone better.
- I need to be in constant contact with my partner to feel secure in the relationship.
- Rejection from my partner means I'm unlovable and undesirable.
COMMON BELIEFS FOR SOMEONE WITH AN AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT:
- I value my independence and self-sufficiency above all else.
- Emotional dependence on others is a sign of weakness.
- If people truly knew the real me, they wouldn’t accept or consider me good enough.
- Getting too close to someone will only lead to pain and disappointment.
- I need ample personal space and autonomy in my relationships
COMMON BELIEFS FOR SOMEONE WITH A DISORGANISED (FEARFUL-AVOIDANT) ATTACHMENT:
- I desire love and connection, but I'm afraid of getting hurt or rejected.
- I often push people away when they get too close, only to long for their return.
- I have a difficult time trusting others, even when I want to be close to them.
- I fear that I'll never find a love that truly understands and accepts me.
- I carry unresolved trauma from past relationships that affects my current ones.
Remember though, our attachment styles aren't fixed or unchangeable; with effort and self-compassion, we can unpack and work on reframing these beliefs and evolve towards more secure and fulfilling ways of connecting with others.
Want to learn more about your attachment style? Check out the latest episode on the Love Uncensored podcast here:
Until next week!
Nicole is a certified trauma-informed dating and relationship coach who specialises in helping people navigate the complex world of modern love and dating as well as attract and cultivate healthy relationships. Her areas of focus include mindset, attachment, trauma, relationship patterning, inner child and abandonment wounds, communication, conflict management, trust issues, confidence, co-dependency, boundary work, breakups, and infidelity.
