HE’S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU
THIS WEEK'S NEWSLETTER EXPLORES MODERN LOVE THROUGH THE LENS OF THE FILM "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU." HOW MANY TIMES HAVE WE MISTAKEN NEGLECT FOR ATTRACTION, OR ALLOWED SOCIETAL PRESSURES TO DICTATE OUR PURSUIT OF "THE ONE"? ARE WE GUILTY OF PROJECTING UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS ONTO OUR PARTNERS? AND DO WE TRULY RECOGNISE OUR WORTH, REFUSING TO SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS THAN WHAT WE DESERVE? TAKING CUES FROM THE MOVIE, WE DISSECT THESE OUTDATED NOTIONS THAT OFTEN GUIDE OUR UNDERSTANDING OF RELATIONSHIPS. WE DELVE INTO HOW SOCIETAL CONDITIONING HAS SHAPED OUR LOVE LIVES AND OFFER INSIGHT ON HOW TO BREAK FREE FROM THESE MISCONCEPTIONS. ARE YOU READY TO REDEFINE LOVE ON YOUR TERMS?
Imagine a close friend telling you about her date last weekend. He didn't call when he said he would, and when they finally met, his attention was anywhere but on her. She laughingly recalls her grandma's advice: "When a boy is mean, it means he likes you!" Fast forward to today, and that notion, charming in its time, is misleading. Are we still letting these old tales guide our perception of love?
In the complex world of dating, recognising signs of interest and disinterest is more important than ever. This week, we're diving into the film "He's Just Not That Into You" to explore some pivotal themes that mirror these very conundrums in today's romantic landscape.
1. The misinterpretation of interest:
How many times have we mistaken neglect for attraction? The film's opening scene beautifully captures this very dilemma, illustrating how deep-seated misconceptions about love and attraction can be. In the scene, a young girl is playing in a sandbox, enjoying her time, when a boy pushes her over and runs away. Tearfully, she turns to her mother, seeking understanding and comfort.
Her mother, rather than condemning the boy's behaviour, spins it into a romantic narrative, saying, "He's doing it because he likes you." It's a seemingly innocent explanation, yet it plants a seed that can grow into a dangerous belief: that poor treatment is synonymous with affection and interest.
This opening moment sets the tone for the entire film and resonates powerfully with many viewers, reflecting how societal conditioning and well-intentioned advice can shape our understanding of love in detrimental ways. As we navigate the complexities of modern relationships, we ought to:
Recognise respect: Learn to differentiate between genuine interest and manipulation or neglect. A loving partner will show respect, empathy, and care rather than leaving you hanging or treating you poorly.
Set boundaries: Know what you're willing to tolerate and express it clearly. If someone crosses those lines, consider it a red flag.
2. The pursuit of 'The One':
Characters in the film grapple with finding "The One" in an increasingly interconnected world, leading to confusion and despair. What we can take away:
Embrace reality: Understand that seeking perfection might lead to missing out on fantastic relationships with real, flawed human beings.
Stay patient: Don’t rush into a relationship because of societal pressures. Good things take time, and so does finding a compatible partner.
3. Projecting expectations onto partners:
The characters often burden their relationships with unrealistic expectations, leading to dissatisfaction and frustration. This mirrors a common struggle in real-life relationships, and here's what we can learn:
Set realistic expectations: By understanding that every relationship has its ups and downs, we can create a more harmonious and accepting bond with our partner. Emphasising open communication and realistic goals fosters a healthier connection.
Avoid societal ideals: In today's world, it's easy to fall prey to societal ideals about relationships. Recognise that every relationship is unique and that trying to conform to external pressures can lead to immediate and long-term dissatisfaction and conflict.
4. Understanding your worth:
Accepting less than you deserve may feel familiar, but it doesn’t mean it’s right. Your relationship should uplift you, not drag you down.
Know your value: Don't settle for less than you deserve. Recognise your worth and look for partners who do the same.
Learn from past mistakes: Reflect on past relationships to understand patterns and make healthier choices moving forward.
"He's Just Not That Into You" is more than just a romantic comedy; it's a reflection of the realities and intricacies of modern love. Its unvarnished portrayal of misconceptions, mistakes, and expectations in dating serves as a mirror, showing us the deeply ingrained beliefs and behaviours we've inherited from past generations.
But the beauty of modern dating is our ability to rewrite the script. We can question, challenge, and finally erase those outdated narratives that dictated what was acceptable in a relationship. We're no longer confined to roles and rules that don't serve us. We can set our own standards, recognise our worth, and create relationships that are nourishing, respectful, and real.
In our pursuit of love, let's embrace the lessons this film offers, not just as entertainment but as a guide, helping us navigate the often turbulent waters of romance with wisdom, empathy, and grace. By recognising and eradicating the past conditioning about what is acceptable or not, we empower ourselves to build relationships that are both fulfilling and authentic.
The power to redefine love, in line with our needs, values, and desires, lies within each of us.
Until next week!
Nicole is a certified trauma-informed dating and relationship coach who specialises in helping people navigate the complex world of modern love and dating as well as attract and cultivate healthy relationships. Her areas of focus include mindset, attachment, trauma, relationship patterning, inner child and abandonment wounds, communication, conflict management, trust issues, confidence, co-dependency, boundary work, breakups, and infidelity.
